Sedih banget hari ini dikabarin kalau Pak Lili, supir kantor papa yang udah 5 tahun kerja sama papa masa kontraknya udah abis. Kalau dipikir-pikir kehidupan rumah gue itu isinya selain mama, papa, gue, Iqbal, ya pasti Pak Lili sama Mbak Ana. Pak Lili itu berjasa banget ya walaupun jarang ngobrol asik gitu hahaha tapi dulu waktu gue SMA, gue dianterin SETIAP HARI SENIN-JUMAT berangkat jam 5 subuh dari rumah. 3 TAHUN LOH. CIBUBUR - PASAR MINGGU LOH. Pulangnya juga suka dijemput. Bayangin aja mondar mandir cibubur - jaksel - cijantung (kantor papa) tiap hari. Terus kalo ada apa-apa juga selalu on time. Kalo gue sih suka karena berhubung gue orangnya sering mepet-mepet waktu, pas gue telat tuh Pak Lili selalu bisa ngebut (aman) dan bikin gue gak telat telat amat. Tapi ortu apalagi mama selalu takutan gitu. Terus doi perhatian gitu kalo gue gak dijemput kayak kasian apalagi kalo malem, terus suka nganterin temen-temen gue juga. Terus wawasannya luas gitu tentang rumor Jakarta kek tentang seluk beluk jalan, jadi kalo ngobrol ada aja info baru. Sabar banget juga orangnya dan juga berani kalo ada yang macem2 dijalan hahaha. Jadi sedih...
Terus kemaren Papa bilang kalo mobil KIA rio mau dijual. Bukan mobil gue sih tapi mobil mama. Tapi karena mama gabisa nyetir dan selama ini gue yang selalu bawa ke kampus, gue jadi ngerasa bonding banget sama ini mobil. Nggak sampe gue namain gitu sih mobilnya hahaha. Sedih banget soalnya walaupun murah dan lebih payah dari mobil pengganti yang papa tawarin, eksterior dan interior mobil ini tuh gue udah cinta banget. Gak pasaran. Dari luar aja rearnya udah bagus, bagian belakang hatchingnya oke, pinggirannya gak bikin ilfeel, seksi dan cantik deh dari luar. Interiornya walaupun joknya gak lux gitu, tapi speedometernya keren, di penghalang cahaya mataharinya duaduanya ada kaca!! (gak kaya yaris mahal2 tapi fasilitasnya gitugitu aja.) Banyak hack life gitu deh!! Bagasinya gue juga suka comfort banget, terus lampunya lengkap di depan tengah sama bagasi semua ada ((gak kayak yaris)). Dan!! ada kulkasnya :( di bawah dashboard penumpang. Huft udah kayak rumah kedua deh, soalnya semua barang-barang gue gue taro disitu, jakun bantal kertas-kertas makanan (tapi rapih selalu kok). Gue udah sayang banget sama mobil ini, buktinya stiker yang udah gue simpen-simpen dari lama (National Geographic) akhirnya gue relakan untuk gue tempel di mobil ini. Sedih :(:(
Good bye deh karena nothing lasts forever sebenernya, jadi harus let go. Sedih sih tapi, let go.......
Two posts in a day? It's getting more exciting. The thoughts coming out of my head, running down like fallen drops.
I've been thinking since idk about what will I become, in the next ten years. I basically have a lot of wishes, what I wanna be. I want to be an artist, architect, lawyer, doctor, businesswoman, even the other jobs that may not be proper for daily work. I've never thought I would be in Biology major. It keeps me thinking about the prospects, what will I do after I'm done with all of these college shits. I was thinking about moving to another major, but I concealed it.
Why?
Keep reading.
I was born with creativity (whether I'm too confident or that's amazingly the only reason I survived, but thank God). I always think about another alternative options when I'm stuck on the existing options. When I got the opportunity to be in biology major, I turned my brain upside down, thinking about the possibilities for my future as Bachelor of Science.
I love nature. I really do. When I was 10 years old, I dreamed of writing about nature for my thesis. At first, it's --*
For my-holy-DIY-minded-brain sake, my mind has saved bunch of ideas for making the world a better place by producing some creative solutions throughout the environmental issues occurred in that time (I won't mention them bcs they are really brilliant (won't let anybody steal the ideas) and I'll wait for myself to make it happen but when?!). But what I can say is they are totally out of the box! And yes, back to the topic - I was a bit terrified at the first time I entered the morbid lab with jars of mice's fetuses on every corner. A new friend of mine said, glaring at me, "kalo nggak suka ngapain masuk biologi?" as a first timer, it made me down. But soon I understood what Biology is aside from the morbid jars. They talked about what they called traveling life's secret, saving the nature, and oceans. Parts of Biology I adore. I do become more excited to learn about all of em. Moreover, I get bold conservation principle as I started majoring Biology, which means I am one step ahead to do my dream nature-themed dissertation.
Why do people want to be an architect if their number one reason isn't drawing enthusiasm? You, failed artists, don't have to move out from bio because their practicum assignments on the 2nd year mostly needed a good-skilled hand in drawing! Instead drawing black and white sketches in everyday class of architecture, I can draw detailed animal parts o' body in many different colors, 'cause that's what my life is, creativity with color assortments! I should stay, I know.
To draw like a toddler is not the only thing that keeps me stay in this circumstance. Eventho I am interested to learn more about four dimension in physics, I won't be able to reach NASA as I can't be good at MATH. LOL. Biology is the best choice of science. No explanation.
Since I fond of traveling (even I've never done the real one), a stack of outdoor assignments won't bother me! And it does really work well bcs on the 2nd year, we've been planning to go to Ujung Kulon to do research simulation! Yes, we're not following the find-the-best-spot-to-get-the-best-photo-for-instagram trend, it's gonna be a scientific activities with algae and stuffs and sure we'll get plenty of life knowledge!
At last, engineering and accountants job would fit me physically but won't fit in my heart, what fit in my heart is the effort to make the world greener. Since I was a kid, I'm eager to save the environment with creative ideas and that's what I'm gonna do with my life. That's my purpose in life. Some people said I don't have to be in Biology to be that so called environment activist, but why not? What if I love to learn science and I want to discover the world as a scientist? Perhaps I won't easily earn big number of money from this path but biology is surely a wide scope of knowledge and I'll find the way, maybe I'll make a business in terms of Biology? Or Idc if it's related to Biology or not but at least I'm doing what I love to do in my whole college life, and I'll find the way. What's the function of the creative brain of mine if it's not for looking at opportunities out of the box?
The point is, my dear friends and sisters and brothers, little or big... the world is unlimited, go explore what you want to explore! The time is too limited to spend on pleasing other people who's not affected by your presence.
"I'm 17 and achieve nothing" don't think about you in 17, think about you in 18! What are you gonna do in 18, go write your dreams in the sky! (Well said, Sutter from Spectacular Now!)
It's about your own happiness. Because in the end, (yes, my dear friend) it's only you and God.
When people choose to do travel merely to entertain them aside from their routines, I'd choose to do travel as my routines and doing business aside, as the money generator :p
*--this writing supposed to be published along with the previous one, but it seemed like my phone runs out of battery so I didn't finish it that day therefore when I continue to write today, I forget what I'm going to say earlier -_-
Acknowledgement: I supposed to publish this prior to the final registration of SIMAK UI 2015, as this refers to those who are stuck in the middle of nowhere, seeking for answers and advises, thinking if they should take the opportunity in a major that might not suit their heart, as what exactly happened to me last year.
Yay.
I've been thinking since idk about what will I become, in the next ten years. I basically have a lot of wishes, what I wanna be. I want to be an artist, architect, lawyer, doctor, businesswoman, even the other jobs that may not be proper for daily work. I've never thought I would be in Biology major. It keeps me thinking about the prospects, what will I do after I'm done with all of these college shits. I was thinking about moving to another major, but I concealed it.
Why?
Keep reading.
I was born with creativity (whether I'm too confident or that's amazingly the only reason I survived, but thank God). I always think about another alternative options when I'm stuck on the existing options. When I got the opportunity to be in biology major, I turned my brain upside down, thinking about the possibilities for my future as Bachelor of Science.
I love nature. I really do. When I was 10 years old, I dreamed of writing about nature for my thesis. At first, it's --*
For my-holy-DIY-minded-brain sake, my mind has saved bunch of ideas for making the world a better place by producing some creative solutions throughout the environmental issues occurred in that time (I won't mention them bcs they are really brilliant (won't let anybody steal the ideas) and I'll wait for myself to make it happen but when?!). But what I can say is they are totally out of the box! And yes, back to the topic - I was a bit terrified at the first time I entered the morbid lab with jars of mice's fetuses on every corner. A new friend of mine said, glaring at me, "kalo nggak suka ngapain masuk biologi?" as a first timer, it made me down. But soon I understood what Biology is aside from the morbid jars. They talked about what they called traveling life's secret, saving the nature, and oceans. Parts of Biology I adore. I do become more excited to learn about all of em. Moreover, I get bold conservation principle as I started majoring Biology, which means I am one step ahead to do my dream nature-themed dissertation.
Why do people want to be an architect if their number one reason isn't drawing enthusiasm? You, failed artists, don't have to move out from bio because their practicum assignments on the 2nd year mostly needed a good-skilled hand in drawing! Instead drawing black and white sketches in everyday class of architecture, I can draw detailed animal parts o' body in many different colors, 'cause that's what my life is, creativity with color assortments! I should stay, I know.
To draw like a toddler is not the only thing that keeps me stay in this circumstance. Eventho I am interested to learn more about four dimension in physics, I won't be able to reach NASA as I can't be good at MATH. LOL. Biology is the best choice of science. No explanation.
Since I fond of traveling (even I've never done the real one), a stack of outdoor assignments won't bother me! And it does really work well bcs on the 2nd year, we've been planning to go to Ujung Kulon to do research simulation! Yes, we're not following the find-the-best-spot-to-get-the-best-photo-for-instagram trend, it's gonna be a scientific activities with algae and stuffs and sure we'll get plenty of life knowledge!
At last, engineering and accountants job would fit me physically but won't fit in my heart, what fit in my heart is the effort to make the world greener. Since I was a kid, I'm eager to save the environment with creative ideas and that's what I'm gonna do with my life. That's my purpose in life. Some people said I don't have to be in Biology to be that so called environment activist, but why not? What if I love to learn science and I want to discover the world as a scientist? Perhaps I won't easily earn big number of money from this path but biology is surely a wide scope of knowledge and I'll find the way, maybe I'll make a business in terms of Biology? Or Idc if it's related to Biology or not but at least I'm doing what I love to do in my whole college life, and I'll find the way. What's the function of the creative brain of mine if it's not for looking at opportunities out of the box?
The point is, my dear friends and sisters and brothers, little or big... the world is unlimited, go explore what you want to explore! The time is too limited to spend on pleasing other people who's not affected by your presence.
"I'm 17 and achieve nothing" don't think about you in 17, think about you in 18! What are you gonna do in 18, go write your dreams in the sky! (Well said, Sutter from Spectacular Now!)
It's about your own happiness. Because in the end, (yes, my dear friend) it's only you and God.
When people choose to do travel merely to entertain them aside from their routines, I'd choose to do travel as my routines and doing business aside, as the money generator :p
*--this writing supposed to be published along with the previous one, but it seemed like my phone runs out of battery so I didn't finish it that day therefore when I continue to write today, I forget what I'm going to say earlier -_-
Acknowledgement: I supposed to publish this prior to the final registration of SIMAK UI 2015, as this refers to those who are stuck in the middle of nowhere, seeking for answers and advises, thinking if they should take the opportunity in a major that might not suit their heart, as what exactly happened to me last year.
Yay.
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Why do the brain generate rapidly in the midnight?
I often think hard in my own brain, wondering about how different perspectives could lead to different meaning of life.
I was thinking about society. How it has changed and how it changes us. This afternoon I opened my old dusty facebook and scrolled down till I reached year 2009. That's when I found myself was expressed freely, when I got no fear of enemy or people's opinion about me.
No affection.
I got friends from all years. Seniors and juniors. I found myself hugging them, even the one I didn't really get along. I answered their messages kindly, with all respect even when they were being so annoying. I was literally shocked, and disappointed. Is this me, six years ago? Was I this kind? Was I this easy going? Was I this generous?
I currently am 180 degrees different. I have ego. Guess I've lost contact with most of them (not really best friends but was close to me) my seniors, my juniors, where are they now? Is it because of me, being so arrogant lately? Or is it them? I remembered those good talks we made. They came to my house when I was having birthday. They knew how my love life was. That exactly describes how deep our connection was.
And what now? to start a new conversation needs a big struggle. Gengsi, they said. The society has successfully formed some circles among us. We might be in a different circle, that's why. From my perspective, I can say that those circles arranged vertically, if you know what I mean. Whether who's on top or below, we become nothing like mutual. You don't know me anymore, vice versa.
I really want to get along with them again, and I guess someone has to start it first no matter what. Swallow the what-so-called-gengsi, a kind of abstract feeling that is owned by every one of you in the society.
I often think hard in my own brain, wondering about how different perspectives could lead to different meaning of life.
I was thinking about society. How it has changed and how it changes us. This afternoon I opened my old dusty facebook and scrolled down till I reached year 2009. That's when I found myself was expressed freely, when I got no fear of enemy or people's opinion about me.
No affection.
I got friends from all years. Seniors and juniors. I found myself hugging them, even the one I didn't really get along. I answered their messages kindly, with all respect even when they were being so annoying. I was literally shocked, and disappointed. Is this me, six years ago? Was I this kind? Was I this easy going? Was I this generous?
I currently am 180 degrees different. I have ego. Guess I've lost contact with most of them (not really best friends but was close to me) my seniors, my juniors, where are they now? Is it because of me, being so arrogant lately? Or is it them? I remembered those good talks we made. They came to my house when I was having birthday. They knew how my love life was. That exactly describes how deep our connection was.
And what now? to start a new conversation needs a big struggle. Gengsi, they said. The society has successfully formed some circles among us. We might be in a different circle, that's why. From my perspective, I can say that those circles arranged vertically, if you know what I mean. Whether who's on top or below, we become nothing like mutual. You don't know me anymore, vice versa.
I really want to get along with them again, and I guess someone has to start it first no matter what. Swallow the what-so-called-gengsi, a kind of abstract feeling that is owned by every one of you in the society.
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It's been a long time since the last time I expressed my feeling in this kind of virtual diary, seriously.
Like, I'd been using my diary BOOK but writing on physical paper made me want to press the pen to the surface tightly, even until the ink get through the following pages. Sometimes those kind of things happened (when I got my nerve), so I'd rather to TYPE instead of WRITE this time because I need to express my feelings immediately before those stuffs around my head blew off.
I. CURRENTLY. HATE. BEING. WITH. MY. FRIENDS.
I want to spend my time alone with an amazing novel, while drinking coffee, or maybe just staying in the library (?) the exact thing is that I hate being with those people who always used me as a joke object, I know sometimes it's kind of funny but how can you call it funny when (1) you're not in your comfy mood to do hilarious thing with your friends, (2) your friends knew that you don't like what they did to you, and (3) they CROSSED THE LINE. They saw me angry that day, really. I'm so fed up with them I don't want to talk because they would ask a lot of questions and I'm not planning on explaining the reason I mad.
If you see me mad, just, leave me alone. The way you guys talk to me makes me want to punch each of you in the face. and once I get my mood back, don't.you.ever.try.to.use.me.as.a.joke.object.EVER. and this time, don't laugh. I'm more serious than you ever imagined.
You want to hate me back? Go on because then I know which ones are the fake friends who don't give a shit when a friend of them is on her lowest state. When you don't give a shit means you happy when I'm not around, give a shit means you give me time to recover myself and be there when I'm back.
AND, JUST, DON'T BE HAPPY WHEN I'M SAD, OKAY?
This is the other main reason why I don't wanna be among you, chicks. You laugh when I can't laugh, I have to step back for a moment.
I KNOW I HAVE A BIG EGO, I WANT TO WIN, BUT I'M WORKING ON IT.
I have 80% goal and 20% feeling character, which makes me uncomfortable to be around those who chase for the same goal as I do. I thought having the same character with your friend is magic and destiny, but when it comes to achievement, I will become your rival. Really. I'm a type of hunter. and when we become rivals, remember my words, I CAN'T BE WITH YOU FOR A SORT OF TIME. I will consider you as my enemy, really. Anyway I'm still working on it, you know, to fix things up. I don't want to be this selfish. Just, help me okay? Don't blame me, don't judge, don't suspect me as a guilty person. I hate it, especially when you're in that position I mentioned.
I also distracted by the way someone needs help and then I helped, but when I need help they are not really there eventho they're acting like they regret it or so. I figure out why, why I have to be so idiot since I gave much and got nothing.
Should I be more sincere? and grateful?
I do really need time to think about it, to interrogate myself since I don't like to be interrogated. Just, give me time alone, try another things that might suit my mood. #prayforme
Anyway thanks to my sosling family, you guys are really a massive major mood booster.
Like, I'd been using my diary BOOK but writing on physical paper made me want to press the pen to the surface tightly, even until the ink get through the following pages. Sometimes those kind of things happened (when I got my nerve), so I'd rather to TYPE instead of WRITE this time because I need to express my feelings immediately before those stuffs around my head blew off.
I. CURRENTLY. HATE. BEING. WITH. MY. FRIENDS.
I want to spend my time alone with an amazing novel, while drinking coffee, or maybe just staying in the library (?) the exact thing is that I hate being with those people who always used me as a joke object, I know sometimes it's kind of funny but how can you call it funny when (1) you're not in your comfy mood to do hilarious thing with your friends, (2) your friends knew that you don't like what they did to you, and (3) they CROSSED THE LINE. They saw me angry that day, really. I'm so fed up with them I don't want to talk because they would ask a lot of questions and I'm not planning on explaining the reason I mad.
If you see me mad, just, leave me alone. The way you guys talk to me makes me want to punch each of you in the face. and once I get my mood back, don't.you.ever.try.to.use.me.as.a.joke.object.EVER. and this time, don't laugh. I'm more serious than you ever imagined.
You want to hate me back? Go on because then I know which ones are the fake friends who don't give a shit when a friend of them is on her lowest state. When you don't give a shit means you happy when I'm not around, give a shit means you give me time to recover myself and be there when I'm back.
AND, JUST, DON'T BE HAPPY WHEN I'M SAD, OKAY?
This is the other main reason why I don't wanna be among you, chicks. You laugh when I can't laugh, I have to step back for a moment.
I KNOW I HAVE A BIG EGO, I WANT TO WIN, BUT I'M WORKING ON IT.
I have 80% goal and 20% feeling character, which makes me uncomfortable to be around those who chase for the same goal as I do. I thought having the same character with your friend is magic and destiny, but when it comes to achievement, I will become your rival. Really. I'm a type of hunter. and when we become rivals, remember my words, I CAN'T BE WITH YOU FOR A SORT OF TIME. I will consider you as my enemy, really. Anyway I'm still working on it, you know, to fix things up. I don't want to be this selfish. Just, help me okay? Don't blame me, don't judge, don't suspect me as a guilty person. I hate it, especially when you're in that position I mentioned.
I also distracted by the way someone needs help and then I helped, but when I need help they are not really there eventho they're acting like they regret it or so. I figure out why, why I have to be so idiot since I gave much and got nothing.
Should I be more sincere? and grateful?
I do really need time to think about it, to interrogate myself since I don't like to be interrogated. Just, give me time alone, try another things that might suit my mood. #prayforme
Anyway thanks to my sosling family, you guys are really a massive major mood booster.
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