A T R A Z E

Why do the brain generate rapidly in the midnight?

I often think hard in my own brain, wondering about how different perspectives could lead to different meaning of life.

I was thinking about society. How it has changed and how it changes us. This afternoon I opened my old dusty facebook and scrolled down till I reached year 2009. That's when I found myself was expressed freely, when I got no fear of enemy or people's opinion about me.
No affection.
I got friends from all years. Seniors and juniors. I found myself hugging them, even the one I didn't really get along. I answered their messages kindly, with all respect even when they were being so annoying. I was literally shocked, and disappointed. Is this me, six years ago? Was I this kind? Was I this easy going? Was I this generous?

I currently am 180 degrees different. I have ego. Guess I've lost contact with most of them (not really best friends but was close to me) my seniors, my juniors, where are they now? Is it because of me, being so arrogant lately? Or is it them? I remembered those good talks we made. They came to my house when I was having birthday. They knew how my love life was. That exactly describes how deep our connection was.
And what now? to start a new conversation needs a big struggle. Gengsi, they said. The society has successfully formed some circles among us. We might be in a different circle, that's why. From my perspective, I can say that those circles arranged vertically, if you know what I mean. Whether who's on top or below, we become nothing like mutual. You don't know me anymore, vice versa.

I really want to get along with them again, and I guess someone has to start it first no matter what. Swallow the what-so-called-gengsi, a kind of abstract feeling that is owned by every one of you in the society.