Why do the brain generate rapidly in the midnight?
I often think hard in my own brain, wondering about how different perspectives could lead to different meaning of life.
I was thinking about society. How it has changed and how it changes us. This afternoon I opened my old dusty facebook and scrolled down till I reached year 2009. That's when I found myself was expressed freely, when I got no fear of enemy or people's opinion about me.
No affection.
I got friends from all years. Seniors and juniors. I found myself hugging them, even the one I didn't really get along. I answered their messages kindly, with all respect even when they were being so annoying. I was literally shocked, and disappointed. Is this me, six years ago? Was I this kind? Was I this easy going? Was I this generous?
I currently am 180 degrees different. I have ego. Guess I've lost contact with most of them (not really best friends but was close to me) my seniors, my juniors, where are they now? Is it because of me, being so arrogant lately? Or is it them? I remembered those good talks we made. They came to my house when I was having birthday. They knew how my love life was. That exactly describes how deep our connection was.
And what now? to start a new conversation needs a big struggle. Gengsi, they said. The society has successfully formed some circles among us. We might be in a different circle, that's why. From my perspective, I can say that those circles arranged vertically, if you know what I mean. Whether who's on top or below, we become nothing like mutual. You don't know me anymore, vice versa.
I really want to get along with them again, and I guess someone has to start it first no matter what. Swallow the what-so-called-gengsi, a kind of abstract feeling that is owned by every one of you in the society.
It's been a long time since the last time I expressed my feeling in this kind of virtual diary, seriously.
Like, I'd been using my diary BOOK but writing on physical paper made me want to press the pen to the surface tightly, even until the ink get through the following pages. Sometimes those kind of things happened (when I got my nerve), so I'd rather to TYPE instead of WRITE this time because I need to express my feelings immediately before those stuffs around my head blew off.
I. CURRENTLY. HATE. BEING. WITH. MY. FRIENDS.
I want to spend my time alone with an amazing novel, while drinking coffee, or maybe just staying in the library (?) the exact thing is that I hate being with those people who always used me as a joke object, I know sometimes it's kind of funny but how can you call it funny when (1) you're not in your comfy mood to do hilarious thing with your friends, (2) your friends knew that you don't like what they did to you, and (3) they CROSSED THE LINE. They saw me angry that day, really. I'm so fed up with them I don't want to talk because they would ask a lot of questions and I'm not planning on explaining the reason I mad.
If you see me mad, just, leave me alone. The way you guys talk to me makes me want to punch each of you in the face. and once I get my mood back, don't.you.ever.try.to.use.me.as.a.joke.object.EVER. and this time, don't laugh. I'm more serious than you ever imagined.
You want to hate me back? Go on because then I know which ones are the fake friends who don't give a shit when a friend of them is on her lowest state. When you don't give a shit means you happy when I'm not around, give a shit means you give me time to recover myself and be there when I'm back.
AND, JUST, DON'T BE HAPPY WHEN I'M SAD, OKAY?
This is the other main reason why I don't wanna be among you, chicks. You laugh when I can't laugh, I have to step back for a moment.
I KNOW I HAVE A BIG EGO, I WANT TO WIN, BUT I'M WORKING ON IT.
I have 80% goal and 20% feeling character, which makes me uncomfortable to be around those who chase for the same goal as I do. I thought having the same character with your friend is magic and destiny, but when it comes to achievement, I will become your rival. Really. I'm a type of hunter. and when we become rivals, remember my words, I CAN'T BE WITH YOU FOR A SORT OF TIME. I will consider you as my enemy, really. Anyway I'm still working on it, you know, to fix things up. I don't want to be this selfish. Just, help me okay? Don't blame me, don't judge, don't suspect me as a guilty person. I hate it, especially when you're in that position I mentioned.
I also distracted by the way someone needs help and then I helped, but when I need help they are not really there eventho they're acting like they regret it or so. I figure out why, why I have to be so idiot since I gave much and got nothing.
Should I be more sincere? and grateful?
I do really need time to think about it, to interrogate myself since I don't like to be interrogated. Just, give me time alone, try another things that might suit my mood. #prayforme
Anyway thanks to my sosling family, you guys are really a massive major mood booster.
Like, I'd been using my diary BOOK but writing on physical paper made me want to press the pen to the surface tightly, even until the ink get through the following pages. Sometimes those kind of things happened (when I got my nerve), so I'd rather to TYPE instead of WRITE this time because I need to express my feelings immediately before those stuffs around my head blew off.
I. CURRENTLY. HATE. BEING. WITH. MY. FRIENDS.
I want to spend my time alone with an amazing novel, while drinking coffee, or maybe just staying in the library (?) the exact thing is that I hate being with those people who always used me as a joke object, I know sometimes it's kind of funny but how can you call it funny when (1) you're not in your comfy mood to do hilarious thing with your friends, (2) your friends knew that you don't like what they did to you, and (3) they CROSSED THE LINE. They saw me angry that day, really. I'm so fed up with them I don't want to talk because they would ask a lot of questions and I'm not planning on explaining the reason I mad.
If you see me mad, just, leave me alone. The way you guys talk to me makes me want to punch each of you in the face. and once I get my mood back, don't.you.ever.try.to.use.me.as.a.joke.object.EVER. and this time, don't laugh. I'm more serious than you ever imagined.
You want to hate me back? Go on because then I know which ones are the fake friends who don't give a shit when a friend of them is on her lowest state. When you don't give a shit means you happy when I'm not around, give a shit means you give me time to recover myself and be there when I'm back.
AND, JUST, DON'T BE HAPPY WHEN I'M SAD, OKAY?
This is the other main reason why I don't wanna be among you, chicks. You laugh when I can't laugh, I have to step back for a moment.
I KNOW I HAVE A BIG EGO, I WANT TO WIN, BUT I'M WORKING ON IT.
I have 80% goal and 20% feeling character, which makes me uncomfortable to be around those who chase for the same goal as I do. I thought having the same character with your friend is magic and destiny, but when it comes to achievement, I will become your rival. Really. I'm a type of hunter. and when we become rivals, remember my words, I CAN'T BE WITH YOU FOR A SORT OF TIME. I will consider you as my enemy, really. Anyway I'm still working on it, you know, to fix things up. I don't want to be this selfish. Just, help me okay? Don't blame me, don't judge, don't suspect me as a guilty person. I hate it, especially when you're in that position I mentioned.
I also distracted by the way someone needs help and then I helped, but when I need help they are not really there eventho they're acting like they regret it or so. I figure out why, why I have to be so idiot since I gave much and got nothing.
Should I be more sincere? and grateful?
I do really need time to think about it, to interrogate myself since I don't like to be interrogated. Just, give me time alone, try another things that might suit my mood. #prayforme
Anyway thanks to my sosling family, you guys are really a massive major mood booster.
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To: Atika
I know you often feel chocked up most of the time. Studying in Biology major, which is never get through your mind since ever. Biology may be your favorite subject beside Physics, but to be the expert who is gonna study it the whole life? you must be terribly shocked, even until now.
I know you are still regretting about economic major which you left behind, because of its freshman's opportunity to get good salary is bigger than the major you've got into. And you consider it as a necessity because you are forced to get job fast as a responsibility of being the first child.
But have you ever think this may be a destiny for you? You almost undecided choosing science faculty until your mom told you to, and you got that last option (you probably won't got accepted if you didn't). You almost chose physics against biology but she's telling you that biology might suit you (or you will get involved at math, where you bad at). This is your mother's choice and I won't doubt it because she knows what's best for you.
Keep this in your mind; you are an environment-oriented person, and you're always excited when it comes to an idea to make the earth greener. You've always wanted to make something useful for people in environment aspect. The other thing, is that you're an active person who can't keep staying behind the table and doing bored routine like accountants do. You like observing something new, traveling around the magnificent world and finding peace in nature. That's what your instinct have chosen.
I know because I am you. I am your other part that burns your life to flame of spirit. Take this anxious moment as a challenge, because no one reaches success without any failure. Focus on looking for experiences, travel while you are still young,' money can be found everywhere' dad said. You can take master degree in business major later, and get your money from it. Moreover, you will be a woman who is more responsible in taking care your own family. Your parents told you to stay, so stay. Or you will waste your time by moving to another major with full of doubt.
Open your eyes, there are plenty of graces Allah gave you. Focus and don't hear them who judge. Listen to your parents, then you won't get lost. Spirit!
'Experiences are the best assets of life.' - a quote by yourself.
I know you often feel chocked up most of the time. Studying in Biology major, which is never get through your mind since ever. Biology may be your favorite subject beside Physics, but to be the expert who is gonna study it the whole life? you must be terribly shocked, even until now.
I know you are still regretting about economic major which you left behind, because of its freshman's opportunity to get good salary is bigger than the major you've got into. And you consider it as a necessity because you are forced to get job fast as a responsibility of being the first child.
But have you ever think this may be a destiny for you? You almost undecided choosing science faculty until your mom told you to, and you got that last option (you probably won't got accepted if you didn't). You almost chose physics against biology but she's telling you that biology might suit you (or you will get involved at math, where you bad at). This is your mother's choice and I won't doubt it because she knows what's best for you.
Keep this in your mind; you are an environment-oriented person, and you're always excited when it comes to an idea to make the earth greener. You've always wanted to make something useful for people in environment aspect. The other thing, is that you're an active person who can't keep staying behind the table and doing bored routine like accountants do. You like observing something new, traveling around the magnificent world and finding peace in nature. That's what your instinct have chosen.
I know because I am you. I am your other part that burns your life to flame of spirit. Take this anxious moment as a challenge, because no one reaches success without any failure. Focus on looking for experiences, travel while you are still young,' money can be found everywhere' dad said. You can take master degree in business major later, and get your money from it. Moreover, you will be a woman who is more responsible in taking care your own family. Your parents told you to stay, so stay. Or you will waste your time by moving to another major with full of doubt.
Open your eyes, there are plenty of graces Allah gave you. Focus and don't hear them who judge. Listen to your parents, then you won't get lost. Spirit!
'Experiences are the best assets of life.' - a quote by yourself.
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Hi, no one! (Saying this as nobody likely read my blog)
Alhamdulillah sebagai pejuang tulis, gue bersyukur karena bisa keterima di jalur SBMPTN sekaligus SIMAK. Sebenernya pascaSNMPTN gue sempet stres gitu gara2 gue harus ngerombak jurusan yang gue pilih pas daftar undangan karena takut gak keterima lagi. Bokap balik lagi kepengen gue masuk ekonomi, padahal tinggal 2 minggu tes dan dari lama emang gue cuma belajar IPA doang. Gamungkin dong dalam waktu 2 minggu doang gue belajar IPS, lagi pula beresiko juga sama pelajaran IPA yang selama ini gue perdalam. Akhirnya gue menolak dan tetap di jalur IPA, dan gue memutuskan untuk naro SAPPK ITB di pilihan pertama. Arsi ITB emang impian gue sejak sebelum masuk 28, tapi karena satu dan lain hal (pengaruh orang luar) impian itu jadi memudar dan entah kenapa pops lagi di pikiran gue sekarang.
Sebenernya nilai TO gue belum pernah ada yang nyampe passing grade SAPPK ehehe tapi disitu gue semangat aja buat nekat karena didasari minat sih. Pilihan 2 gue taro arsin UI dimana kalo semua TO gue dirata-ratain, itu setara sama passing grade-nya arsin UI. Sesuai saran guru les juga sih (malah harusnya yang rata-rata itu di pilihan pertama). Nah buat pilihan ketiga waktu itu gue pilih psikologi Unpad. Udah tuh. Daftar. Panlok Jakarta Timur. Dapet di Pulo Mas, okesip macet.
Terus gue buru-buru daftar SIMAK juga karena deadlinenya gak jauh dari pendaftaran SBMPTN. NAH karena gue merasa gaenak sama bokap dan takut kualat/durhaka gak ngedengerin, akhirnya gue pilih deh tuh meneUI di pilihan pertama ((demi bokap, asli nekat belom belajar)) singkat cerita, pilihan seterusnya itu arsin, bisnis islam, TI paralel, biologi paralel. Dah, bayar 550.000. Nyam sekali.
Beberapa hari kemudian gue wisudaan. Ngobrol sama salah satu temen gue dan dapet info kalo ekonomi IPB itu tesnya saintek. Mendadak gue nyesel karena gak milih itu di SBMPTN dan berfikir untuk daftar baru lagi. Gue mikir keras. Sebenernya gue milih psikologi Unpad juga bener-bener cuma asal cadangan aja, nggak sesuai sama minat gue banget apalagi abis baca mata kuliahnya. Dan sebenernya gue mau ganti panlok di Bogor karena kalo dari rumah gue lebih deket dan ngelawan arah macet ketimbang harus ke Pulo Mas. Akhirnya gue ganti ekonomi IPB dan gue cari ekonomi yang paling kecil passing gradenya buat cari aman, yaitu ekonomi sumberdaya lingkungan (ESL).
Dah tuh, pengumuman. Alhamdulillah lulus di kedua tes itu. Tapi yang bikin nyesek sih dua-duanya pilihan terakhir gue, jadi kesannya kok gue nggak maksimal banget gitu..
Nah sekarang masalahnya adalah gue bingung mau pilih esl IPB atau biologi paralel UI. Gue suka sih kedua jurusan di atas tapi ada aja yang bikin gue nggak srek. Dua-duanya ada kelebihan kekurangan. Gamungkin gue banding-bandingin lah disini. Tbh gue masih pengen arsi2an, gue banget lah dan tertarik gitu kalo baca matkulnya. Dan tbh gue merasa salah banget milih mene di pilihan pertama yang notabenenya salah satu jurusan yang paling banyak peminatnya di rumpun IPS. Agak nyesel nggak tetepin tekad di arsi aja dari dulu, malah goyah. Pengen berusaha lagi sih buat arsi. Tapi gue harus kuliah taun ini... yah, mungkin emang udah digariskan kayak gini sih. Malah harusnya gue banyak bersyukur masih bisa dapet dua disaat orang lain dapet satu aja enggak..astaghfirullah... tapi memilih itu susah buat gue. Dan limit bayar UI tanggal 4. Kalo gue melewatkan tanggal itu tanpa bayar berarti fix IPB. Penentuan banget emang, dan sampe sekarang juga belum berani fix. Udah istikharah tapi belum dapet petunjuk. Ada yang bisa bantu? maafkan :"(
Alhamdulillah sebagai pejuang tulis, gue bersyukur karena bisa keterima di jalur SBMPTN sekaligus SIMAK. Sebenernya pascaSNMPTN gue sempet stres gitu gara2 gue harus ngerombak jurusan yang gue pilih pas daftar undangan karena takut gak keterima lagi. Bokap balik lagi kepengen gue masuk ekonomi, padahal tinggal 2 minggu tes dan dari lama emang gue cuma belajar IPA doang. Gamungkin dong dalam waktu 2 minggu doang gue belajar IPS, lagi pula beresiko juga sama pelajaran IPA yang selama ini gue perdalam. Akhirnya gue menolak dan tetap di jalur IPA, dan gue memutuskan untuk naro SAPPK ITB di pilihan pertama. Arsi ITB emang impian gue sejak sebelum masuk 28, tapi karena satu dan lain hal (pengaruh orang luar) impian itu jadi memudar dan entah kenapa pops lagi di pikiran gue sekarang.
Sebenernya nilai TO gue belum pernah ada yang nyampe passing grade SAPPK ehehe tapi disitu gue semangat aja buat nekat karena didasari minat sih. Pilihan 2 gue taro arsin UI dimana kalo semua TO gue dirata-ratain, itu setara sama passing grade-nya arsin UI. Sesuai saran guru les juga sih (malah harusnya yang rata-rata itu di pilihan pertama). Nah buat pilihan ketiga waktu itu gue pilih psikologi Unpad. Udah tuh. Daftar. Panlok Jakarta Timur. Dapet di Pulo Mas, okesip macet.
Terus gue buru-buru daftar SIMAK juga karena deadlinenya gak jauh dari pendaftaran SBMPTN. NAH karena gue merasa gaenak sama bokap dan takut kualat/durhaka gak ngedengerin, akhirnya gue pilih deh tuh meneUI di pilihan pertama ((demi bokap, asli nekat belom belajar)) singkat cerita, pilihan seterusnya itu arsin, bisnis islam, TI paralel, biologi paralel. Dah, bayar 550.000. Nyam sekali.
Beberapa hari kemudian gue wisudaan. Ngobrol sama salah satu temen gue dan dapet info kalo ekonomi IPB itu tesnya saintek. Mendadak gue nyesel karena gak milih itu di SBMPTN dan berfikir untuk daftar baru lagi. Gue mikir keras. Sebenernya gue milih psikologi Unpad juga bener-bener cuma asal cadangan aja, nggak sesuai sama minat gue banget apalagi abis baca mata kuliahnya. Dan sebenernya gue mau ganti panlok di Bogor karena kalo dari rumah gue lebih deket dan ngelawan arah macet ketimbang harus ke Pulo Mas. Akhirnya gue ganti ekonomi IPB dan gue cari ekonomi yang paling kecil passing gradenya buat cari aman, yaitu ekonomi sumberdaya lingkungan (ESL).
Dah tuh, pengumuman. Alhamdulillah lulus di kedua tes itu. Tapi yang bikin nyesek sih dua-duanya pilihan terakhir gue, jadi kesannya kok gue nggak maksimal banget gitu..
Nah sekarang masalahnya adalah gue bingung mau pilih esl IPB atau biologi paralel UI. Gue suka sih kedua jurusan di atas tapi ada aja yang bikin gue nggak srek. Dua-duanya ada kelebihan kekurangan. Gamungkin gue banding-bandingin lah disini. Tbh gue masih pengen arsi2an, gue banget lah dan tertarik gitu kalo baca matkulnya. Dan tbh gue merasa salah banget milih mene di pilihan pertama yang notabenenya salah satu jurusan yang paling banyak peminatnya di rumpun IPS. Agak nyesel nggak tetepin tekad di arsi aja dari dulu, malah goyah. Pengen berusaha lagi sih buat arsi. Tapi gue harus kuliah taun ini... yah, mungkin emang udah digariskan kayak gini sih. Malah harusnya gue banyak bersyukur masih bisa dapet dua disaat orang lain dapet satu aja enggak..astaghfirullah... tapi memilih itu susah buat gue. Dan limit bayar UI tanggal 4. Kalo gue melewatkan tanggal itu tanpa bayar berarti fix IPB. Penentuan banget emang, dan sampe sekarang juga belum berani fix. Udah istikharah tapi belum dapet petunjuk. Ada yang bisa bantu? maafkan :"(
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Sebelum pengumuman SNMPTN kemaren, gue udah persiapin mental gue kalo-kalo nggak keterima. Saking persiapannya sampe nggak bisa tidur. Kepikiran banget bakal keterima apa enggak, walaupun udah ngedoktrin diri gue sendiri, "pokoknya harus kuat apapun hasilnya."
Dan ternyata nggak keterima. Oh yaudah. Seneng sih karena nggak nyangka bisa seikhlas itu. Malahan ikut seneng sama temen-temen yang udah keterima. Cuma agak nyesek sih pas liat twitter pada ngeretweet tweetnya BEM UI hehehe. Sama pas temen gue nyemangatin gue, itu terharu gitu jadi berlinang-linang; kemudian bikin gue malah lebih semangat. Sama pas mau tidur malemnya.. Sempet meneteskan air mata sih (satu tetes doang, kok) soalnya nggak bisa ngebanggain mama papa kayak waktu SMP. Nggak akan dipanggil namanya sebagai murid berprestasi. Maaf ya, Ma, Pa :"
Sejak itu gue lebih mendekat lah sama Allah karena sadar gue kurang doa. Dan usaha gue mungkin belum seberapa dibanding temen-temen yang lain. Gue yakin ada jodoh jurusan gue yang menunggu di SBMPTN (aamiin) dan dengan disertai semangat dari mama papa dan temen-temen gue, gue akhirnya bisa bangkit lagi dan membulatkan tekad untuk lebih ngambis untuk 3 minggu kedepan.
Tapi tadi sore pas gue lagi belajar, adek gue pulang dan dia lagi-lagi nggak les. Nyokap gue rada marah di situ dan si adek nangis dan bilang kalo dia nggak suka pokoknya les di situ soalnya diketawain gara-gara dia nggak bisa pelajarannya. Akhirnya gue kasih motivasi, tapi yang bikin kesel nih anak nggak ada semangat-semangatnya buat tetep belajar. Dia bilang, "les apa aja asal jangan les pelajaran itu." Padahal jelas-jelas setiap orang harus berusaha buat belajar, terutama buat pelajaran itu karena bakal berguna banget buat UN, SBMPTN, dan kuliah nanti. Dan tetep, katanya pelajaran itu sesuatu yang nggak perlu. Terus dia selalu bilang katanya dia udah berusaha, tapi jelas-jelas dia lari dari kenyataan dengan nggak ikut les itu.
Pokoknya dia terus bilang kalo dia udah susah payah, naik jemputan panas-panas, pake mogok segala. Terus yang bikin sakit hati dia bilang gini ke gue: "kakak sih enak, sekolah dianter Pak Lili."
Hey! Gilak, ya jelaslah orang sekolah gue 3 kali lebih jauh dari sekolah lo. Gue harus lewat tol untuk sampe ke sekolah cepet. Belum macet. Belum masuk setengah 7. Kalo sekolah negeri nyediain jemputan buat yang rumahnya di Bogor udah gue sewa kali. Tapi kan emang nggak ada. Dan nggak selalu dianter kok, gue lebih sering pulang naik angkot, 3 kali naik angkot dari pasar minggu plus naik ojek ke dalem komplek yang biasanya pake duit jajan gue sendiri (total sekali pulang 21rb), sedangkan lo lebih sering naik taksi karena duit lebih bisa ditabung, padahal sekolah deket banget.
Sumpah disini gue nangis :") nangis beneran, melebihi sedihnya nggak keterima SNMPTN. Sedih karena adik kesayangan ini kok semangatnya nggak ada banget ya.
We have to cope with life, dude. Nggak serta merta kita nggak suka sama apa yang lagi kita jalanin, terus kita berenti sampe situ. Kita harus tetep jalan men. Nggak selamanya hidup itu enak. Kalo lo nggak mulai dari 0, lo malah bakal tambah ketinggalan. Ok sekarang lo diketawain sama mereka yang lebih pinter dari lo, tapi ketika lo lebih semangat buat belajar mengejar ketertinggalan, lo suatu hari bakal diatas mereka, asal lo punya niat buat belajar. Dulu gue kelas 10 di 28 juga stressnya bukan main, nggak bisa tidur tiap hari kepikiran segala tekanan, bangun-bangun nangis gara-gara belum selesai belajar buat ulangan. Nanti di sekolah nangis lagi gara-gara nilai jeblok. Sempet beberapa kali mau harakiri loh, tapi gila kali yaa gue punya Allah, dan Allah nggak akan memberikan cobaan melebihi kesanggupan hambanya.
Dan yes, I can cope with everything in it. Sampe kelas 3 alhamdulillah sesuatu yang harus disyukuri karena selalu dapet peringkat 10 besar. Itu feedback yang berarti banget buat gue.
Intinya, jangan deh nyerah sama sesuatu yang lo lagi usahain. Pikirin lagi kenapa dan untuk apa lo ngelakuin itu. Dan deket sama Allah itu penting loh, karena kita bisa ikhlas sama apapun yang terjadi sama kita. Ditambah temen-temen yang selalu ada di depan samping belakang lo, dimana ketika lo mau jatuh mereka siap buat nangkep lo dan berdiriin lo lagi. Dan orang tua yang selalu denger keluh kesah kita, sedih ketika kita sedih seneng ketika kita seneng. Jangan lupain orang-orang itu. Huhu terimakasih semuanya :")
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Pake kerudung udah. Tapi ternyata makenya masih niat karena zaman sekarang banyak model hijab yang fashionable. Pikir gue, toh gue masih bisa gaya dengan pakai hijab. Bukannya takut sama Allah. Nah disini gue mulai lagi perjalanan hijrah gue.
Gue lupa awalnya pokoknya gue diajak Ghassa buat ikut liqo, kayak perkumpulan agama gitu tapi ada mentornya yaitu salah satu alumni 28 juga. Gue kepengen ikut soalnya dulu gue juga ada kakak mentornya tapi udah nggak pernah contact-an lagi. Akhirnya gue ikut deh tuh kelompoknya Kak Hanan, walaupun awalnya masih ragu antara 'ini sebenernya pantes nggak gue disini' sama 'perlu nggak sih sebenernya gue ikut ginian'. Tapi gue ikutin aja tuh. Untung semuanya welcome sama gue. Pokoknya awalnya tadarus gitu terus masuk ke materi. Kak Hanan itu friendly banget dan keliatan peserta liqo lainnya juga akrab dan terbuka banget sama Kak Hanan. Semuanya antusias banget dan bahkan curhat-curhatan gitu. Pake dibeliin makanan segala pula. Tapi semuanya bikin kita nyaman, nggak kerasa lagi diceramahin malah lebih ke sharing sama temen. Dan materinya itu ringan bahasanya tapi sangat-sangat menusuk dada, menampar muka, jleb deh pokoknya. Nyadarin gue banget kalo selama ini gue banyak dosa atau kurang bersyukur sama apa yang udah Allah kasih. Kadang sampe mau nangis ditengah-tengah liqo saking hati gue udah mengerang 'astaghfirullah' atau 'subhanallah'. Pokoknya gue jadi sadar hal-hal di dunia fana ini nggak ada artinya. Setiap pulang liqo adaaa aja yang bisa diceritain ke mama soal ilmu-ilmu baru yang gue dapet. Quotes-quotes mutiara gitu. Kemaren gue baru dapet quote gini "sibukkin diri dengan hal baik sampai kita lupa melakukan hal buruk." Itu semua memacu gue supaya bisa jadi lebih baik lagi, biar muslimah bukan sekedar status tapi juga appearance gue. Yah paling nggak gue jadi ngebiasain diri ngaji tiap hari gitulah. Semenjak itu gue lebih melandaskan segala sesuatunya ke Allah, dari yang gue rada malu dengan hal-hal yang dulu gue pikir 'sok alim' sampe gue ngerasa butuh sama itu semua. Bener-bener ngerubah gue dan pola pikir gue. Sudut pandang gue. Gue lebih sering zikir kapanpun padahal dulu gue pikir 'yaampun itu sempet-sempetnya orang zikir' sampe gue sendiri yang kayak gitu.
Ditambah lagi gue pernah diajak anak rohis buat ikut perkumpulannya gitu, padahal gue bukan anak rohis -_- pokoknya rohis28 itu terbuka banget deh, nggak mengikat sama sekali. Gue nyaman banget temenan sama mereka dan ngerasa safe kalo ada di tengah-tengah mereka. Gue jadi seneng dan bangga temenan sama siapa aja. Gue jadi belajar untuk lebih menghargai setiap orang. Pokoknya banyak manfaatnya deh.
Puncaknya itu waktu gue diajak akhwat-akhwat rohis28 buat ikut rihlahnya. Rihlah itu kayak perpisahan rohis gitu deh, which is sangat seru dan well-organised. Gue agak nggak nyangka aja anak rohis ternyata serunya pake banget, gue kira mereka bakal kaku dan serius gitu. Ternyata anaknya pada heboh juga. Gimana enggak, orang kita berenang di Cisarua jam setengah 6 pagi huah seru banget pokoknya. Terus kita juga masak bareng-bareng, pokoknya seru deh. Menurut gue karena acaranya lillah jadi sukses. Gue sadar, Allah sayang banget sama gue. Banyak banget karunia yang Allah kasih. Gue adalah satu dari sekian banyak orang yang dikasih hidayah dengan dipertemukannya gue sama orang-orang hebat ini bahkan di akhir-akhir kelas 12 yang notabenenya udah mau pisah. Gue sekarang lebih open-minded lah, lebih cerdas juga dalam berpikir bahwa semua yang dianggap keren di dunia ini adalah fana. Sesuatu yang sebenernya keren adalah surga dan bekal kita di dunia untuk dapetin itu. Islam. Sekarang menurut gue keren itu islam. Ngerti kan?
Intinya sekarang gue bersyukur banget seenggaknya udah hijrah dari gue yang sebelum-sebelumnya, meski masih banyak langkah yang harus ditempuh. Bahkan masih jauh banget dari anak-anak rohis lainnya. Tapi gue tetep mau belajar, karena gue yakin gue udah di jalan yang benar. Makanya gue bersyukur banget sama Allah karena udah ditempatin di lingkungan orang-orang soleh kayak temen-temen gue itu. Masih butuh pegangan, gue harap walaupun udah keluar dari 28 nanti, gue tetep bisa keep contact sama mereka. Alhamdulillah. Lindungi mereka selalu ya Allah 0:)
Gue lupa awalnya pokoknya gue diajak Ghassa buat ikut liqo, kayak perkumpulan agama gitu tapi ada mentornya yaitu salah satu alumni 28 juga. Gue kepengen ikut soalnya dulu gue juga ada kakak mentornya tapi udah nggak pernah contact-an lagi. Akhirnya gue ikut deh tuh kelompoknya Kak Hanan, walaupun awalnya masih ragu antara 'ini sebenernya pantes nggak gue disini' sama 'perlu nggak sih sebenernya gue ikut ginian'. Tapi gue ikutin aja tuh. Untung semuanya welcome sama gue. Pokoknya awalnya tadarus gitu terus masuk ke materi. Kak Hanan itu friendly banget dan keliatan peserta liqo lainnya juga akrab dan terbuka banget sama Kak Hanan. Semuanya antusias banget dan bahkan curhat-curhatan gitu. Pake dibeliin makanan segala pula. Tapi semuanya bikin kita nyaman, nggak kerasa lagi diceramahin malah lebih ke sharing sama temen. Dan materinya itu ringan bahasanya tapi sangat-sangat menusuk dada, menampar muka, jleb deh pokoknya. Nyadarin gue banget kalo selama ini gue banyak dosa atau kurang bersyukur sama apa yang udah Allah kasih. Kadang sampe mau nangis ditengah-tengah liqo saking hati gue udah mengerang 'astaghfirullah' atau 'subhanallah'. Pokoknya gue jadi sadar hal-hal di dunia fana ini nggak ada artinya. Setiap pulang liqo adaaa aja yang bisa diceritain ke mama soal ilmu-ilmu baru yang gue dapet. Quotes-quotes mutiara gitu. Kemaren gue baru dapet quote gini "sibukkin diri dengan hal baik sampai kita lupa melakukan hal buruk." Itu semua memacu gue supaya bisa jadi lebih baik lagi, biar muslimah bukan sekedar status tapi juga appearance gue. Yah paling nggak gue jadi ngebiasain diri ngaji tiap hari gitulah. Semenjak itu gue lebih melandaskan segala sesuatunya ke Allah, dari yang gue rada malu dengan hal-hal yang dulu gue pikir 'sok alim' sampe gue ngerasa butuh sama itu semua. Bener-bener ngerubah gue dan pola pikir gue. Sudut pandang gue. Gue lebih sering zikir kapanpun padahal dulu gue pikir 'yaampun itu sempet-sempetnya orang zikir' sampe gue sendiri yang kayak gitu.
Ditambah lagi gue pernah diajak anak rohis buat ikut perkumpulannya gitu, padahal gue bukan anak rohis -_- pokoknya rohis28 itu terbuka banget deh, nggak mengikat sama sekali. Gue nyaman banget temenan sama mereka dan ngerasa safe kalo ada di tengah-tengah mereka. Gue jadi seneng dan bangga temenan sama siapa aja. Gue jadi belajar untuk lebih menghargai setiap orang. Pokoknya banyak manfaatnya deh.
Puncaknya itu waktu gue diajak akhwat-akhwat rohis28 buat ikut rihlahnya. Rihlah itu kayak perpisahan rohis gitu deh, which is sangat seru dan well-organised. Gue agak nggak nyangka aja anak rohis ternyata serunya pake banget, gue kira mereka bakal kaku dan serius gitu. Ternyata anaknya pada heboh juga. Gimana enggak, orang kita berenang di Cisarua jam setengah 6 pagi huah seru banget pokoknya. Terus kita juga masak bareng-bareng, pokoknya seru deh. Menurut gue karena acaranya lillah jadi sukses. Gue sadar, Allah sayang banget sama gue. Banyak banget karunia yang Allah kasih. Gue adalah satu dari sekian banyak orang yang dikasih hidayah dengan dipertemukannya gue sama orang-orang hebat ini bahkan di akhir-akhir kelas 12 yang notabenenya udah mau pisah. Gue sekarang lebih open-minded lah, lebih cerdas juga dalam berpikir bahwa semua yang dianggap keren di dunia ini adalah fana. Sesuatu yang sebenernya keren adalah surga dan bekal kita di dunia untuk dapetin itu. Islam. Sekarang menurut gue keren itu islam. Ngerti kan?
Intinya sekarang gue bersyukur banget seenggaknya udah hijrah dari gue yang sebelum-sebelumnya, meski masih banyak langkah yang harus ditempuh. Bahkan masih jauh banget dari anak-anak rohis lainnya. Tapi gue tetep mau belajar, karena gue yakin gue udah di jalan yang benar. Makanya gue bersyukur banget sama Allah karena udah ditempatin di lingkungan orang-orang soleh kayak temen-temen gue itu. Masih butuh pegangan, gue harap walaupun udah keluar dari 28 nanti, gue tetep bisa keep contact sama mereka. Alhamdulillah. Lindungi mereka selalu ya Allah 0:)
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2 hours ago when I was about to sleep, I found an advertisement tweet by LaSalle Univ. I read some of their tweets until it ended at a username of someone from Indonesia. I guess he's one of LaSalle students so I checked it out. I found some interesting activities of him doing his school assignments (on his ask.fm too) and I read some activities of his friends at LaSalle. It amazes me a lot. Especially for the interior design faculty. I mean, I'd been considering about that faculty for a long time back then but I was too confused and ended up like leaving it behind. And then that desire comes again.
I will enjoy my campus life if I go to interior design faculty, I guess. Because basically.. I LOVE TO DRAW. A LOT.
I just don't do it a lot. Perhaps because I'm scared?
And I won't choose it if I don't have these following reasons:
I love colours.
I love being creative.
I sketch a lot on papers.
My books full with doodles.
I can easily generate new ideas.
I love creating something new.
I will choose IKEA catalog among other magazines.
I would spend hours on reading (actually seeing) pictures on IKEA magazine.
I love design. Mama, help.. This reality slaps me a lot.
I will enjoy my campus life if I go to interior design faculty, I guess. Because basically.. I LOVE TO DRAW. A LOT.
I just don't do it a lot. Perhaps because I'm scared?
And I won't choose it if I don't have these following reasons:
I love colours.
I love being creative.
I sketch a lot on papers.
My books full with doodles.
I can easily generate new ideas.
I love creating something new.
I will choose IKEA catalog among other magazines.
I would spend hours on reading (actually seeing) pictures on IKEA magazine.
I love design. Mama, help.. This reality slaps me a lot.
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